Below is my essay that addresses a problem in our society and proposed a policy that provides a feasible solution. I decided to analyze childhood obesity and how the joined forces of schools and parents are responsible for handling the prevention of and recovery from this disease. One helpful facet of this topic is that many policies and programs are already in place; this provided ample research into both the causes and effects of obesity. I enjoyed the research because I am extremely passionate about health and fitness, so I was happy to identify what we can do to assist others out of this depressing rut. In my revision, I edited many grammatical and spelling errors to improve the flow of my writing. I also changed the structure of particular paragraphs where appropriate. Most importantly, however, I sifted through every sentence and noticed where my verbs and nouns were weak and failing, and also where my adjective needed to be less extensive and more specific. My writing was very straightforward and informational; I simply attempted to make it more personable and engaging. Overall, this essay provided me with the opportunity to incorporate comprehensive research with artistic composition in addressing a real world problem.
